Ronin Takes To The Road!

2 Oct

Okay…

A lot of you guys have been taunting me lately. I get jabs about being “crazy enough” to live in a “container coffin,” and jeered at because I want to live in a “sheet metal outhouse” with my dysfunctional family.

So, I’ve decided to use everything I’ve learned about containers so far, and bring a little bit of “old fashioned justice” to a few neighborhoods that have proven to be a pain in my butt…

We’re about finished with all the clean-up from Gustav and Ike, and along the way I’ve managed to salvage a few bits and pieces here and there, that I think might just come in handy…

That said, and having a lot of spare time on my hands, I’ve decided that I’m gonna prove my point about a container’s livability, by taking it to the streets.

And being “budget minded,” I’m gonna demonstrate that you too can build your own personal land yacht, for just pennies on the dollar! I mean, I got the truck for free (Well, the guy wasn’t actually lookin), and the container was just layin there (behind a chain link fence, but…), looking like it had lost it’s puppy, so…

I got out my handy-dandy Ronco Weld-O-Matic and the biggest winch I could steal… um… er… borrow… and started traveling along on my visionquest to intimidate all those Million Dollar Buses in the Rest Area on I-10, by being able to park alongside them (in all my obvious splendor) for about $29.95, total investment.

Now, I know what you’re thinking… Surely, it’s an act of obvious genius, but can Ronin pull it off for under $30 bucks?

YES, I say!

First, I save a few bucks on tires and wheels, by not using a traditional rear axle setup. I mean, I don’t really need them, the rest of the tires are pointed in the right direction already, right? Sure, it’ll be a little bit hard to steer, but that’s the price you pay for a little bit of “Southern Ingenuity!” And I might lose the steering completely when cresting speed bumps or uneven pavement, but hell, I’m surrounded by solid steel, so I don’t care! Think of the money I’ll save on brakes!

And don’t get me started about the cool wheelies I’ll be able to do! If I put some titanium or magnesium strips on the back of the trailer, I’ll be able to shoot sparks for miles!

I don’t need air conditioning, because I just keep that huge cargo door in the front open and I get cooled off as I drive on down the highway! Plus, if I can find a flock of birds every hundred miles or so, I can just scoop them right outta the air and into a fryin pan!

‘Cuz Ronin is S-M-A-R-umm… er… T, huh?

And getting fuel will be a breeze, too. Here’s how I’ll do it…

I’ll just pull into the Rest Area, next to the biggest, shiniest , swankiest Land Yacht I can find, and then start jumping up and down in the back of the truck.

(But don’t you worry, I’ll be perfectly safe. I tied the front of the container to the frame of the truck with a big piece of scrap wire I found laying in the highway!)

If I do it right, the container will start rocking like a bucking bronco, and I’ll get the attention of the Mobile Mansion (and “old Moneybags”) next door, right away, lemme tell you!

Then, I just offer to move the truck to another (and very distant) parking space, for a few bucks (to cover the fuel, service and handling charges…)!

And, since it’s just a billboard on wheels anyways, I can sell advertising space on the sides, to pay for incidentals, like Beer, Doritos, and McDonalds Big Macs! Or, maybe I’ll try another tactic;

I’ll paint it up with a banner that reads;

“If I only had a home, I wouldn’t need to be driving this truck in your neighborhood…”

But where’s all this headed, you ask?

Well, if you’re one of them smart asses whose been giving me a hard time, it’s headed to the front curb of your house. Where, I might add, it’s gonna cost you a lot more than a few measly bucks to get it out of your yard.

“Gee Officer, I’d like to move it, honest I would, but it just broke down. I didn’t know they were having a Wedding/Bar Mitzvah/Party/Open House/Funeral today, honest!”

If I do this right, I’ll have my whole home construction budget in the bank, in no time! LOL!

Stay tuned!

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2 Responses to “Ronin Takes To The Road!”

  1. Rick Gandenberger October 13, 2008 at 2:36 pm #

    Wonderful site, Sir!

    I’ve been playing with the container housing thing for a while in connection with another hurricane prone area, Haiti.

    Got to you from http://www.mortgagenewsdaily.com/10102006_Shipping_Container_Housing.asp.

    Hope your wife is better because there hasn’t been a post in a while.

    I recognize the approximate geography but have you thought of burying the containers? Not necessarily digging a hole for them but providing some external thermal insulation and “locational security” for what otherwise is
    just a doublewide (you know the Lord dislikes doublewides!).

    Depending on local zoning (and the amount of internal structure) the containers could become the basement of a more conventional house someday.

    Best of luck!

    Rick

  2. renaissanceronin October 14, 2008 at 9:13 am #

    Hi Rick, thanks for stopping by!

    My wife is at the stage of her illness where things get pretty complicated, and there’s a lot of stress. The house project has been a blessing, actually, because it gives me something else to wrap my head around. Our prayer is that she recovers, and quickly. My little boy needs her as much as I do.

    (Besides that, the idea of raising him alone terrifies me. The kid would kill me within a year! LOL!)

    When we built these dwellings in Central America, we used to “Earth Berm” them, to provide both insulation, and durability. But in Coastal Mississippi, the water table is too high, and the building requirements maintain that the “home” must start above the flood “mark,” which is about 8′-12′ off the ground, depending on where you are located. So unless you’re gonna build “Mount Ronin,” it ain’t gonna happen with “earth berming!”

    (Man, that would be cool! I could be the “highest property elevation” in Gulf Coast, Mississippi. LOL!)

    And I’m trying not to let the home resemble a “doublewide.” It would imply that “we’re rich…” and I don’t want to send any false signals to the neighbors! LOL!

    But, your idea is a great one, and it works, too!

    BTW: I spent some time in Haiti, a few years back. I loved it, in spite of the hardships. We built a school and a hospital in the Dominican Republic, by connecting two containers together, to form 24’x40′ buildings (each building ended up being almost 1000 square feet). Last I heard, they were still in service, after over ten years of use.

    Hope to see you again, soon!

    Ronin

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