Google the Grid!

20 Jul

Here’s some news on the Alternative Energy Front!

Google and Microsoft Are Building Smart Power Grids!

Yep, those titans of power (in the form of INFORMATION) have combined to try and gain a stranglehold on your house! OMG! 🙂

Just when you thought it was safe to go back outside…

Two High-Technology giants Google and Microsoft find themselves competing again, and this time it’s not about “cloud computing,” or even “Search Engine Technology!” The “guru’s of geekdom” are developing “bi-directional power grids” that will not only bring electricity to your house, but will also help you optimize usage and consequently, save money. Uh huh… and if you believe that one… 🙂

They might be on to something here, folks. The problem with the current power distribution is that it is like a one-way traffic. While the power is constantly being transmitted to your homes, nothing is transmitted from your homes to the power stations.

What? Those greedy power bastards want my juice? No Way, I tell you! Nuh-uh! Where’s My Gun??… Wait… Take a breath… Count to three…

(Take off your shoes and count your little piggies if you have to… We’ll wait!) Now… exhale.

Do the power moguls want to steal your precious power from your homes?

Do they want to limit your ability to make toast, or boil the oatmeal for the monsters that live in your house? Nope.

What they do want, is to snoop. That’s right, they want to peek through your windows, and see what color skivvies you’re wearin.

(Boy are they gonna be shocked at my house! Cuz’ I ain’t wearin’ any… At least not at the moment…)

Oh stop rollin your eyes! I’m wearin running shorts. You guys are pervs… Sheesh… I gotta start writin to a better class of people… 🙂

The power peeps want to see what you’re doing, so that they use the user trends information and make power available accordingly. It’s practically impossible to make informed choices if you don’t have the right information. And we all know that’s true. Information is at the heart of all good decision making!

“Lemme see… Do I want sugar-free strawberry glaze, with this pretty picture of Catherine Zeta Jones on the label, or do I want that “all in the box” generic stuff? No pretty pictures. No idea of what’s inside… But, it’s cheaper… CZJ is cheap (C’mon, she married that Douglas knucklehead, remember?), but… plain-wrap is cheaper… Guess we’re eatin “Gawd Only Knows Strawberry Pie tonight!”

Google has an application now, called PowerMeter and Microsoft’s bringin up the rear with it’s own version, called “Hohm” achieve exactly that. The goal is to provide you with information that can help you optimize your energy usage. For instance, do you know how much energy you exactly consume when you wash one day’s laundry…

(You’re supposed to do laundry a day at a time? Whaaa? That’s news to me! I’ve been wearin these running shorts for a week now!…)

Or when you’re watching your favorite soap opera? (Heaven forbid you should miss “General Hospital”…),

Or… How much cash could you save by pumping up your insulation, replacing that old refrigerator (the noise level around your house will drop too, if your house is like mine. My wife has been nagging me for two years to throw that piece of junk away!), or by turning off the tube to avoid watching that TV show you hate??

Whaaaa? Hey, somebody better tell those guys that the REASON Cable TV got invented, was to avoid that! Turning off the TV? Those guys are crazy?

But, What amount of energy is burned if you forget to switch off a light bulb or a fan?

Yeah, I know you can get a “Kill-a- somethin or other- watts” meter (I even wrote a post about it!), but you can’t use it to monitor yourself 24/7. So, it’s very hard to figure out which of your bad habits waste energy more… in order for your wife to nag you about… cutting down on them. 🙂

Wait, maybe I better rethink this!

I guess it makes sense. It explains why I have to call the damned power company when MY power goes out! Like they don’t already know…

Sometimes, I think they turn it off and on, just to piss me off!

“Ronin’s just about to turn his computer back on again.. Wait for it… wait for it… okaaaaaaay… Quick! Turn it off! Hee -hee!” Bastards. 🙂

Power rates are usually based on something called a “uniform rate.”

Now, that’s not to describe how the power company won’t send anyone to your house, without having a police escort… or is it? Hell, every time those guys show up here, they eat all of Joshua’s donuts… Bastards!

Whaa? Your power guys don’t show up with bodyguards? Well, here’s how to make that happen… Wait until they get up on the pole by your house, to check the transformer. Then,,, when they’re not lookin… turn the hose on ’em!

Instant COPS. Just like on TV.. “Bad Jew, bad jew, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when the Ronin gets you?”

Hmmmm? Okay, supposedly, there’s a uniform rate that dictates how much you pay for your kilowatt hours of power.

But that doesn’t make any sense to me.

I mean… Sure, jack up my rate when it’s 104 outside, and it’s not even noon yet. But… if it’s 3am, and I wanna blow dry my hair, I’m pretty sure not many other people are pretending they still have hair to blow dry… Or are they? Hmmmmm… again.

Shouldn’t power used when everyone else is asleep, cost less? Hmmm? Just a thought…

So, if I use this software to see what I’m doing on the power grid, I should get smarter about how I use power, I could save a few dollars, AND I’ll be saving the environment, too? Right?

Here’s what the guys in charge say:


Some public relations lackey said;

“With the help of Google’s PowerMeter your appliances will be able to decide when to use more power and when to use less. Once the grid is installed, using iGoogle you’ll be able to monitor your power usage minute-by-minute, for individual appliances. On your Google home page you will be able to add the tracker the way you add any other gadget there. The PowerMeter is designed to show a granular, real-time view of electricity-consuming devices.”

According to Google labs: “Google PowerMeter receives information from utility smart meters and energy management devices and provides customers with access to their home electricity consumption right on their personal iGoogle homepage. We are currently testing Google PowerMeter with a number of utilities and plan to expand our roll out later this year.”

And those guys up in Redmond are trying to squeeze their way onto the boat too…

(May they fall off, and right into the water while holding onto power lines… those “Vista-birthing” bastards… Don’t get me started…) 🙂

Microsoft’s done what Microsoft is good at. They threw cash at a license for advanced analytics from the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory and the U.S. Department of Energy to provide consumers with personalized energy-saving recommendations.

Of course it’ll happen on-line, so that they can secretly chart your power usage, and further garner a foothold into your life, so that they can go sneaky-sneakin into places where no big business should ever go, like my living room… and then sell that “insight” to someone who is trying to tell me how I should live my life… those rat-bastards… Um… er… where in the hell did that come from? Oy. I gotta go take my medicine.

According to Craig Mundie, chief research and strategy officer at Microsoft, “Microsoft Hohm demonstrates how a combination of advanced software and Internet-based services can help people track, understand and manage their personal energy usage.”

And we can sell that data to your neighbors! MICROSOFT Strikes Again! Muuuuuawhaaa-haa!

Okay, so he didn’t actually SAY that last part… But, he was thinking it! 🙂

Stay tuned.

The Renaissance Ronin


2 Responses to “Google the Grid!”

  1. green energy July 23, 2009 at 2:10 am #

    Love the new look, keep up the great work the number of visitors must have increased?.

  2. elemenager July 23, 2009 at 3:21 pm #

    I’m the online community manager for Hohm and I’ve read quite a few blog posts on this topic but I have to say I laughed out loud a couple times on this one. Informative but entertaining, love it. We would like to get some of your suggestions and feedback – check us out on Facebook or our blog

Comments are closed.