It’s not getting “better.” You’re just “getting used to it.”

11 Sep

Hey, are we fixed yet?

I’m building a house out of steel… cuz’ the “Big Bad Wolf” swiped all the straw, sticks, and bricks, when I wasn’t looking…

He says he needs them for his next go-round of stimulus give-aways…

I’m the guy trying to build a Shipping Container house, in South Mississippi. Now, it’s not as ridiculous as it sounds, unless you ask the neighbors. In fact, most of them think I’m as crazy as a loon… So, as the “powers that be” try to deter me, I have some time on my hands…

And, that means… you guessed it…

I’m in the mood to whack “political pinata’s ” today, so here goes:

Imagine a President taking time out from his hectic “play” schedule, to address the needs of the populace!

If I was on vacation, well… you’d play hell finding out where  I was relaxing at! After all, I don’t pull a truck full of frosty cold beverages around behind me, when I head for the hills. At least not one to share with “strangers…” 🙂

If I’d been Obama, I’d have been pulling Martha’s Vineyard in around me like a security blanket, but ole’ Obamanation… he’s always ready to put a big happy face on whatever seems to be bludgeoning the economy (or lack thereof) of us lowly citizens here in the States.

Case in point;

In a recent press “meet and greet,” he actually said:

“We’re losing jobs at a much slower pace.”

That’s like telling an accident victim that;

“Relax… you’re not hemmoraging near as badly as you were a minute ago! You might survive after all! Maybe…”

So, the trainwreck is slowing down…. says Him. Well, not around here, it ain’t. We just had another round of layoffs, as the industrial sector (pitiful as it is here in Mississippi) tightens it’s belt further, so that the CEO’s can afford those upcoming ski vacations…

I took a poll recently, and 1 out of 7 people I know has either become unemployed, had their hours cut back, or tried to find a second job, so that they can keep their kids in Skittles and oatmeal…

But every time I turn on the damned cable TV,  I see some idiotic politician or jug-headed economist saying that things are getting better! What’s up with that crap?

I’m starting to think that those politicians living way up there on “Planet Stupidity” (where the air is apparently REALLLLLLY thin…) couldn’t find their asses with both hands and a GPS.

As the seasons begin their slow descent from “ungawdly hot and humid” to “Brrrrrr… it’s the tropics for cryin out loud! Why’s it so freakin cold?”  I’m wondering when things are going to start getting better.

HEY! This whole thing could be “seasonal.”

Since Bubba can’t afford to go Bass fishin’ every weekend cuz “the price isn’t right,” maybe he bought more beer and BBQ, and stayed home! Maybe summer sales of charcoal briquettes and lighter fluid are gonna heal what ails us!

Hey, maybe it’s that “back to school” madness, where parents ran like lemmings to a cliff, trying to get their kid just the right ensemble, so that they won’t become a social outcast, and be forced to “Columbine” the whole class!

Possibly it’s due to grandparents rushing to Kmart (the only department store that does Xmas layaways, evidently), trying to get the jump on other grandparents trying to lure their grandchildren back into their geranium smelling houses for the holidays! After all, they’ll be forced into “the home” someday, and they want visitors! You betcha!

Maybe it was “Cash for Clunkers!” You know, that program where some people gave up perfectly good cars (that were almost paid for), only to sell their souls to the “credit devils” again… for the promise of a few flashed Benjamins that won’t last over twenty seconds in this failing economy.

Benjamins-main_Full

Did I forget to mention that it was taxpayer funded? That means that we were picking our own pockets… Duh! Am I the only one to see these things? Oy!

Now, they’re talking about another “Cash for Junkers” program, where you can trade your old appliances in, for newer, more efficient ones. I suspect that Uncle thinks we stashed some cash away that he couldn’t get to…

What we need are programs that actually speak to the common man… stuff like “Cash for Bunkers…” a program to help homeowners reinforce their houses, in case the crowds riot, looking for bread and gatorade…

Or “Cash for Dunkers!” a program aimed at insuring that we can afford Starbucks coffee and those outrageously priced pastries, as we schlep to work, only to quiver in our cubicles, waiting for that pink slip…

Hey… how about “Cash for Lunkers!” A program that subsidizes weekend bass fishing, so that the “Average Joe” can put some affordable protein back on his dinner table… Now, that’s a program I could cast a hook into…

And finally, how about “Cash for Punkers?” A program that helps beautify your city, by giving some kids (you know the ones…) hair cuts, and appropriate clothing… that doesn’t expose their underwear, the crack of their asses, or other naughty bits that we aren’t supposed to see until we’re married?

Call me a ^*&$%#!! liberal, but I think if you’re gonna give away money, it should be for something the “tired, poor, unwashed masses” actually need… like deodorant.

Cash for Funkers…” Brother, can you spare a lime… smelling antiperspirant stick?

And don’t even get me started on this stupid notion that the US Government actually cares about you enough to try and fix your health care. I can see it all now, like a horrible nightmare…

You know, the one where your In-Law shows up on your porch, wearing a Moo-moo, 12 pounds of make-up, and curlers… crying about how her house just burned down (because she was too stupid to turn off the stove), and now she has no place else to go…

Holy Housemates, Batman! Where did that come from? Man, I gotta get my blood-pressure checked again… Oy Freakin’ Vey!

The healthcare proposal is JUST like that! Shut up! It is TOO!

“Now serving number 1894! 1894! Hurry up, we ain’t got all day!

Okay, you’re Mr. Who again? Please stop bleeding on my desk, huh? I don’t want to have to call the Hazmet crew! What test are you talking about? What? Let me check…

Sir, You don’t even HAVE Heart Disease! You have breast cancer! You do too! I don’t care what those doctors told you! It’s right here on my computer screen. And, beside’s… you can’t have that test! You’re way too old!

Look… The waiting room is jammed full, and you’re the oldest fossil in the room! You should consider yourself lucky! Why… You’ve already had a long, full, “squander your childrens birthright”  life and we have to think about THEIR children! Why yes, as a matter of fact… There ISN’T enough to go around! NO! We don’t use a “quota” to schedule health care! We use complicated formulas to selectively prioritize who gets what and well… according to my computer… you don’t get ‘what.’ It’s all about shareholder values, profit margins, and CEO bonuses! You think those grow on trees?

I’m sorry you think you’re sick, but hey, you should have thought of that before we repaired your healthcare system! I think you’re being selfish, SIR!

After all, it’s not like we can just crap money, sir! The government doesn’t work like that! So, have a nice day and remember —  we’re the US Government and we’re here to help you! If you need anything else… you can call this toll-free number;

1-800-YOU-LOSE.”

And you can bet that if you’re stupid enough to call it… you’re’ gonna get put on hold… forever.

And, since we’re asking… why does that woman on the other end of the telephone sound like she’s in Bombay?

Stay tuned.

The Renaissance Ronin

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4 Responses to “It’s not getting “better.” You’re just “getting used to it.””

  1. rachti September 11, 2009 at 8:08 pm #

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    Good to see that people still know what they are talking about. So much BS around these days!

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Comments are closed.