“Container Home Confabulation: ISBU = Luxury for less”

5 Dec

You know, where I live… deep in the armpit of the South…

The Snowbirds are starting to trickle through, enroute to their migratory places “on the beaches of Miami and all points South…” to bask in the warmth of the winter sun in their million dollar buses.

Okay, so I’m envious. As I see these mega-rich retirees go rolling through town like “lottery millionaires”, headed from one Casino Buffet to the next… I’m continually struck by the irony of it all.

You see those megabuck land yachts that those seniors pilot down Highway 90, past shrimp trawler and Gambling Casino… as they chart their exodus toward the “promised land…” and it doesn’t take much to figure out that…

… those buses are almost exactly the same size as a shipping container.

That’s right. Those beautiful, luxurious, rubber tired “holes that you throw retirement money into” are built to dimensions that almost exactly duplicate those Corten Steel boxes that plow the high seas, carrying brand new 42″ LCD TV’s to a Walmart near you.

Does that shed any light on these boxes? Does that give you any ideas? Well, does it? Hmmmm?

Go to any bus or RV show, and you’ll see row after row of “the rolling riches…”

…  million dollar luxury homes on wheels, they host every gadget and high tech toy known to man.

And, virtually everyone who sets foot in one, wants one to call their very own.

Yet on Monday, after spending the weekend clutching a virtual sacrificial forest of pamphlets… and trying desperately to figure out how to squeeze their household budgets hard enough to resemble “the bad guys in a late night ‘Strangler’ movie…” they leave those RV shows to return to their day jobs at your local community Planning and Zoning office,  failing to connect the dots (or even fill their driveways with these behemoths).

They completely miss the realization that a steel container is capable of the exact same opulence, in a package that is 50 times stronger than that RV ever could be.

Talk about ironic. They pine for plastic RV’s that cost all the money in their 401k, but the idea of actually living in the very same environment clad with a much stronger “wrapper…” just zooms right over their pointed little heads, like fighter jets at an air show…

Vrrroooooooom!

Sure, the buyers of these rolling ATM’s spend $150,000 -$1,000,000 to impress the guy in the next RV slot at the Casino Campground. But who says that you can’t take all that “high dollar” inspiration, and do the exact same thing inside a Corten Steel box that is the SAME SIZE or even larger?

Thus, those same people who would give their eye teeth for one of these wonderful buses… who long for those “rubberized road recliners” with every fiber of their being… ban container housing in their own neighborhoods. The poltroons!

Apparently, there’s some discrimination going on. Those rich guys with the big fat wallets don’t want YOU to have the same thing they have (for less than half the price), and they REALLY don’t want you to be able to enjoy it every single day.

Hmmm…

It seems to me that some of these “Stuffed Shirts and Token Celebrities” are just looking down their noses at us, while they try to taunt us with their toys.

Personally, I think that it’s time we taught them a lesson. ;)

Take that High Cube Shipping Container, and turn it into a Luxury HOME to rival those rolling mansions. Use those outrageously priced buses in all their grandeur as inspiration, as you design your spaces!

Laugh like a maniac, while you contemplate creating something very similar to those “Pretentious Palaces of Privilege” for just pennies on the dollar.

After all, some RV company spent hundreds of thousands of dollars engineering those spaces, to squeeze every square inch of luxurious living out of them. And they give the pamphlets away for free… They’ll even send you a CD! ;)

Yes! You can have that gorgeous designer kitchen! Yes! You can build that wonderfully “chic” bathroom. Yes! You can have all the luxuries like stacking washers and dryers. Yes! You can even have a dishwasher. Built-In TV? No problem!

Anything that you see in a luxury bus (that costs a million bucks…), can go into your Container home. And, since you’re doing it yourself, you’re gonna get a heck of a price break.

And know this, as well;

Your container home can easily be just as cool and exotic as those buses. All you have to do is put your mind and your hearts into your build. You’d be surprised what you can do if you just think “out of the box!”

And we know that you can, because you’ve thought about that box so long… that now you want to live in it! :)

But, your Container Home will be far safer than the “H.M.S. TrafficJammer!”

First, no flat tires! Ever try to jack up a house? It’s not fun. And, it won’t roll down a hill when the emergency brake slips, or your two year old says:

Daddy, what does THIS do?” ;)

Nuh-uh!

And, your ears won’t get blasted out when some knuckle-dragger pulls up along side you with Rap Music blaring out of his windows!

(However, if you have  teen-aged daughter… here’s a clue; “Closed Cell foam” in ALL her bedroom walls…)

And… those RV’s are built to be driven down the road, so they’re light, and their superstructure (the chassis and frame) isn’t anywhere near as stout as that steel cage that you built your dreams into. If it was built to the same standards as a shipping container, well… there’d be a REALLY serious gas shortage, let me tell you.

That “miles per gallon” calculation would become a “gallons per mile” calculation.

And you’d always know where the gas stations were, because you’d be able to hear the retired guys crying out in anguish as the meter on the gas pump revolved faster than a kid running around your legs trying to get at your Happy Meal…

“Look Martha! That ain’t ‘kids protecting a beached whale…’ It’s a mob of ‘Greenpeacers’ killing a BUS! Oh, the humanity!”  ;)

Plus, here’s something that a lot of people miss. Those buses burn like kindling at a “Pyromaniac’s Convention.” I recently witnessed a bus in a beach parking lot burn down the chassis, before the fire department could even arrive.

Your steel home won’t do that…

To secure your home when you’re away, all you have to do is drop the window shutters, and then close the doors. Nobody is going to take the time to kick a hole in your steel house, to rob you.

That RV? Um… well they have a car alarm. Hey, not just “any car alarm.” For a million dollars, you probably get a subscription to “Onstar.” So, while the bad guys are ransacking your RV, the guy at the Onstar desk is hollering over the radio at them!

“Hey! Stop that! I’m telling! I mean it! Put that back!…”

And by the time the cops get there, that RV will be pounds lighter. And at a high six figure price, that’s gonna hurt.

Here’s the point;

Any moron can see the possibilities presented by these big Corten Steel boxes, if they just open their eyes.

So the next time you’re at that Rest Stop stretching your legs, and that guy gets out of his bus to puff himself up and look important…

Just say in a loud clear voice…

“You know, I have that exact same thing at home. And… I can still afford to send my kids to college… Hey, I think someone’s trying to break into your bus, dude!”

And then watch (with a sly smile on your face) as he races “terror stricken” back towards the parking lot!

Because… the only thing scarier to a rich guy than “you having what he has,” is trying to explain how he lost it… to his insurance agent…

Stay tuned.

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One Response to ““Container Home Confabulation: ISBU = Luxury for less””

  1. Jenny Vossen December 10, 2009 at 4:11 pm #

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