Okay, so it’s Christmas-time in our “Container Homeland…”
In light of the fact that the weather is horrid and I’m afraid to go outside with all the nuts running around trying to buy last minute presents…
And it grows closer to that time when Santa will load his sleigh, and fly from the North Pole to places “hither and yon…”
I look at the melees at Walmart and I’m reminded that people have forgotten that the really cool thing about Christmas (aside from the religious significance), is the attitude of the people trying to fool Santa into thinking that they’d been good ALL year long…
So, I thought I’d take a moment to post some of “Ronin’s Observations About the Holidays” to remind some of us what is really going on…
Stuff like this;
When caught up in the Christmas Madness and surrounded by crazed shoppers…
“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.”
Remember Campers, H1N1 is everywhere.
I decided to buy a friend a book for Christmas. So, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman behind the desk;
“Excuse me… Where’s the self-help section?”
She actually said:
“If I told you it would defeat the purpose.”
My neighbor says that the main reason Santa is so darned jolly is because he knows “where all the bad girls live”.
At that book store, I overheard another customer ask that same saleslady;
“Excuse me, Ma’am… I’m going to buy a Christmas present for my new girlfriend. What do you think she’d like?”
“Does she like you?”
“Well, yeah, I think so…”
And she said;
“Well, if she really likes you, apparently she’ll like anything.”
And I hope that I don’t make the same mistake I made last year;
In our house, we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas, so that Joshua doesn’t feel like he’s missing out on something fun.
Josh got a toy, and I bought my wife some expensive perfume… and I gave my brother-in-law a pistol I’d had for years.
And when I was wrapping them, I put a ‘flowery’ note in her present saying:
“Honey, I hope that you love this and that you’ll try it out on yourself sometime really soon…”
When she opened it up and read the note, she got a really weird look on her face, and then just gave me one of her;
“There’s a reason people are afraid of Indians, Paleface… ” look…
I had accidentally given her the pistol.
And last… I had to take a bus to another town to go shopping recently. How do Santa’s reindeer know to cross at that yellow “Deer Crossing” road sign?
More later. I have to fight off an old lady and her seven kids… to make sure that Joshua get’s this “Talking Elmo” Doll he’s been seeing on TV… Thank goodness I know Jew-Fu! Oy!
And now… Enjoy the Movie… without further interruption;