So your Container Home could use a Government Grant…

11 Jan


As my family continues it’s trek down “Political Paradox Road”…

While we try to find a place to park our Shipping Container Home, so that we, like thousands of American families stretched across this great land, have windows to clean, and yards to mow…

Hundreds of families just like ours (okay, maybe not as dysfunctional as OURS) 😉 begin the exploration into that foggy canyon that is…

Container Home building.

And where does it all start?

Home building always starts with having THE LAND to put the house on.

And there’s lots of ways to do that. You could commit, conspire, or cajole to find some wealthy relative to knock off… um.. er… convince that you were a good investment (and not “that rotten SOB that married her ‘idiot’ daughter…”),  you could collect cans found beside the highway and then recycle them for “lot money…”

Some of you are fortunate enough to already have the land to build on, and now, you’re just looking for the money to build with.

And as we all know, one of the best ways to build is with someone else’s money, right?

Now… who do we know that has money?

Not Uncle Charlie, that’s for sure! He wired all his money to Nigeria, ever since he got that “next of kin inheritance” notification. Now, he’s just waiting for his UPS package filled with Benjamins! Oy, what a rube! 🙂

Not my “Mother-In-Law” either, apparently. She says that she spends all hers on BINGO.

Okay, we gotta look somewhere else. Hmmm…

Why? Well, I don’t know about YOU, but  I want to avoid “the snakes in the tall grass”, relative or otherwise… 😉

And you could apply for a Government grant.

Hey, you see them on infomercials all the time, so that goofy guy in the glasses must be talking about free money, right?

Well, okay then! If you saw it on TV, it must be true. Right? That settles it…

So, you wanna get a grant…

Well, here’s another “tri- (or maybe even quad) postal” information bonanza, guaranteed to… um… er… show up on your monitor.

What you actually do with it is on you.

As I struggled with this accursed child-terrorist… um… er… series of posts on “Finding that perfect place to live”…

I got bombed with email again from people asking over and over again about Federal Grants for housing.

Hey! What if we look at the biggest moneybags of all!

CONGRESS! They’ve got money! Heck they’re giving away trillions of dollars!

Let’s get us one of them “grants!”

Um… er… Okay. First off… What in the heck is a Federal Grant?

Now fess up. You’ve seen him too….  that idiot on late-night TV, that “infomercial nut” who acts like he’s a cross between Richard Simmons and Myley Cyrus.

Whaaa? Bald-headed Ronin say “Whaaaaat?”

(Yeah, I admit it… I watch Hannah Montana. My son Joshua adores her. He just sits there in front of the TV and cracks up every time she comes on the tube. He’ll actually stop what he’s doing, and park his butt right in front of the TV, to watch her. I don’t understand it, but if it keeps him happy, I’ll kill a few brain cells watching it with him. Oy. Parenthood. Mom said there’d be days like this.)

As I write this, it’s a little after 2am on New Years Day, and Joshua is up drinking juice and watching Myley Cyrus on the Disney Channel. With all the fireworks and gunfire in the neighborhood, I can’t keep the poor kid asleep. Makes ME want to go outside and shoot someone…)

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, “the crazy infomercial guy…”

You know the one… That Lesko character! He’s hawking a “yellow pages” sized paperback book full of listings, email addresses and URLs virtually guaranteed to help you find that perfect place to send your “John Hancock” to, so that some government program will give you some free money, just for that asking.

Oh yeah, don’t forget that you have to read several hundred pages to make sense of it all.

Does it actually work like this? Could it really be that easy?

Save your money. No!

Well, okay… some people may get grants by using that book, but I’ve never met one. Not ONE. And I’ve looked!

They either avoid me like I’m a bill collector, or they just can’t be found for some suspicious reason… Hmmm… what could it be?

So, let’s just start this “the hard way”, from the beginning, okay?

A federal grant is a “gift” of money, from the federal government.

Sounds simple enough, right?

Well, it’s not. It’s a minefield with your name written all over it. “Gift,” my butt! Those grants are designed to be difficult, if the truth be known, to keep people from actually spending all the time it takes, to actually successfully qualify for one, and then to actually receive it.

Why is that, you ask?

Well, politicians love to talk…

… about the money that they give away. But, come election time, ask a politician how much money that he personally got “funded” actually got “spent”, and he’ll clam up tighter than Ebeneezer Scrooge at Christmas-time.

What politicians hate to do…

… is actually spend the money in those funding pools. You see, a federal grant is “designated for a specific use that is bestowed upon an individual or organization by the federal government.”

And politicians and bureaucrats get to legally define that “specific use” in ways that make you wonder if there’s really any common sense in the 20066 zip code.

That’s the zip code for the District of Columbia, people…

Anyway, that “definition” and all the attached paper-shuffling is the leash around that money “that has to be spent.” And, they don’t want to do that.

There’s a reason that companies employ “grant researchers” to go after Federal money. It’s a full time job jumping through all the hoops, let me tell you.

According to “the powers that be”:

The purpose of Grant money is to facilitate the American public’s (citizens) work (which they call “private party research and development”) in areas where the government hasn’t grow enough tentacles to get into and ruin. Wait, that’s not it… Or IS it?

Grants are supposed to get paid out to the public to commit to “works” that are critical to the advancement of the nation. You know, stuff like housing, job creation, and energy conservation, stuff like that…

“Uncle Sam” isn’t just giving out Benjamin’s for “fun”…

… the government learned long ago that grants are much better way of achieving specific tasks, than simply tasking already overworked government workers. So, they pay us to help move the ball forward ourselves. After all, many citizens and privately operated companies are better streamlined for specific tasks and have infrastructure and expertise to carry them out.

And, those “private operations” operate on common sense, or they vanish like the dinosaurs…

Us “private citizens” don’t seem to get “bailed out”…

Speaking of “bailing”… I have a kid to get in the tub, so…

Next time, we’ll talk about applying for that Federal grant…

Stay tuned!

I write this blog, because like many other families in America and beyond right now…  my family’s SURVIVAL is at stake.

I’m asking you to get involved.

IF you can, throw us a bone, huh?

If I’ve helped you, informed you, educated you, or just entertained you with the hundreds of informative posts we’ve  written… please consider donating a few bucks to the blog, to help us survive and rebuild OUR home. Every dollar counts, and  every penny gets very carefully spent.

There’s a Paypal button located right up there at the top of the page. It’s easy, it’s SAFE, and it’s SECURE.

And we’ll appreciate it more than you can possibly know.

3 Responses to “So your Container Home could use a Government Grant…”

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